Hard to Write

I am writing this post with a box of kleenex beside me because I know this is going to be hard to write.

Three weeks ago Collin and I went through one of the hardest things we have ever experienced.

It isn't something that is easy to talk about or easy to tell people, so writing it down seemed like the best idea. We have only told close family and about 3 other people, but we know that others will eventually find out and have questions so we wanted to share. If you know us (or read this blog) you know about our dogs; Mavis and Maura. Mavis, who we had for 4 years was by baby. Maura was a new addition to the family that we were falling in love with. Both rescues that came from rough situations, they were very special to us. (If you have never had a dog, it's okay if you don't understand)

October 24, I put my key in the lock late at night after coming home from an event at work and instantly knew something was wrong. When I opened the door I could see something all over the floor, stuff was knocked over and then I saw that the dogs were fighting. I knew it wasn't good, but I couldn't see anything in the pitch black. I ran to turn on a light and many times wish I wouldn't have. I saw right away that Mavis was killing Maura and what I saw all over the floor was blood. I was in utter shock, I had seen them wrestle before but they were just playing. This was not playing and I knew Maura was dying. I screamed and screamed to try to get Mavis to stop, I tried to lure her away from Maura with food and treats but she was not herself. I was scared to try and get her myself and I had never been scared of her before. I called the police and then Collin and finally realized there was nothing I could do. I went outside so I didn't have to watch anymore and finally Collin arrived. He ran inside pulled Mavis away and locked her in the garage, Maura was dead. I was shaking, I was stunned and I threw up. It was the worst thing I have ever seen. The dog that I loved to much was doing something so terrible. I had so many confusing emotions, but anger was the prevalent one. I knew that Maura was gone, and that we would have to put Mavis down. It was hard to immediately cope with the sudden loss of both of our dogs. Animal control came and talked to us, assessed the situation and finally removed Maura's body. They gave us directions to the animal emergency hospital where we had to take Mavis to be put down. I still can't decide if I regret this or not, but Collin was the one to take Mavis while I drove to my sisters house to sleep and Collin cleaned up the mess.

I can't explain the emotions I felt in the next 24 hours. It was the first time I had really dealt with death like that, and the very first time I had dealt with the death of a beloved dog. I was mad at Mavis for what she had done and sad that Maura was gone. Collin held it together the whole time we were together, but him and his cousin took Mavis to be put down and he said he lost it there. I still cry thinking about it. I was angry at first and confused about why it had all happened. We have no idea why the fight started or why it escalated to that point. Which is one of the hardest parts about the whole situation. I wish we knew.

After being angry and confused we started to just miss Mavis and all the good things she had brought to our lives. We accepted that she was an animal and that there are no sins in the animal world. She didn't know what she did was wrong. We forgave her and went from being angry to being heartbroken. It is so hard to lose a dog, and even harder to lose two and in such a hard way.

We are doing so much better. We still think about it often and I randomly cry sometimes but for the most part things are back to normal. The house is quiet, which is weird. And there are a lot of little things that take adjustment. I don't know the reason this all happened but I know that God has a meaning for it all. We still believe with all our hearts that Mavis was a great dog. She did one bad thing and had to die for it, but that one bad thing is very much overshadowed by all the good memories we have of her.

We received so much love and support from our families and felt God's hand on us as we grieved.

We got fed up with how quiet the house was without the dogs and went and got a new kitten the other day (more on him later). We now have Melvin and a new little tabby named Theo! We aren't quite ready for a new dog yet but we plan on looking for a puppy in January.

It was a terrible thing to have to see but I feel stronger than ever now. I know somewhere down the road (either on earth or in heaven) I will understand why this happened. Until then, I will fondly remember those pups and how much joy they brought to our little family!