Teachers Say The Darndest Things

I have been working with children in one way or another for somewhere close to ten years now. In those ten years I have seen day care classes, elementary classrooms, babysitting, swimming lessons and much more. So if you know kids at all, you can imagine the stories I have to tell. It is true that kids say the darndest things but to be honest I think teachers have to say just as many “darn” things. Here are some of the best things that have come out of my mouth when working with kids. 

*Any names have been changed to protect all the sweet kiddos I have worked with!

“Johnny! Stop licking your leg and listen to the story”

“No, it would not be funny to poop on it” (in reference to a quarter at the bottom of the boy’s bathroom toilet)

“No, it’s not funny when you make bubble beards on your face in the bathroom”

“Actually, I don’t think your big turds are awesome” (this really happened)

“ Kate, stop raking Jill’s back. That probably hurts her and rakes are for the ground”

“James, do you need a kleenex?” (doesn’t get it) “James, why don’t you go get a kleenex” (keeps digging and eating) “Hey James, you need to get a kleenex and put your boogers there instead of your mouth” (slowly gets up to get a kleenex)

“No, Jenny’s hamster drawing does not look like a pee-pee and we don’t say words like that in day care”

“The next person who yells “Jake eats stinky fish” will get to sit instead of color”

"Yes, I do have a butt. Everyone has a butt"

“Carson, don’t say that Matt has boobs in his X-Men costume. That hurts his feelings and those are muscles anyway” 

“No sir your will not pee on me” (said in pure desperation)

Yep, there have been many good ones and honestly this is not even half of the zingers. When I have my own classroom I will need to keep a journal just for funny kid quotes and my own funny quotes! I am happy to be working in a field that provides so many laughs.